Christmas shopping - what every parent should know

I know, it's only June but for me we're nearing the second most exciting event of the shopping year - the Christmas Lay-by Toy Sales!!!!

As the junk mail comes rolling in and people are starting to see the word Christmas, I'm seeing a lot of head shaking and hearing comments such as 'can you BELIEVE this??',   'It's SO commercialised',   'Blah blah blahbeddy blah....'

I LOVE IT!!! I know it is unbelievably commercialised but I don't care. I am secretly waiting for my junk mail, making lists from each catalogue with the price of each item and plotting the most effective shopping route to purchase my goodies. This may seem frivolous but I find that as I am shopping from a list I tend to spend a lot less than I would do if I were just browsing. Laybying is also really handy because I have 6 months to pay the bill, the warranty does not start until the day of collection and if I think my child has outgrown the product by the time I collect it, I can return it.

Living with a hord-free hubby, I have seen many of the toys that I bought last year leave the house as soon as the children stopped playing with them. Unfortunately it does not take long for a 2 and 3 yr old to stop playing with their toys and although I do rotate these toys, at this age they just grow out of them so quickly. This year I have decided to really limit my shopping list to things like bikes, duplo and some leapster products for their age group. Last year in the spirit of Christmas, I insisted that my husband participate but as he chose a drum kit, I won't make that mistake again.

So how does it work? The bigger chains will generally have extended opening hours where the sale starts on the given day at 00.01hrs; basically the sale starts at midnight. After writing the list of toys to purchase, the serious shopper would benefit from a quick scouting mission prior to the sale to find the location of the items within the store (It can get very busy - best to know exactly where you are heading).

Last year, despite not once getting up at 6.30 and going for the walk i had been promising myself, I was up and out of the house at 4.30am - which I still thought was really restrained, taking into account that the sales had been running for 4 1/2 hrs by then! This year we also have the option of internet laybying which sounds convenient but could it possibly replace the thrill of shopping in-store? I'm not completely skeptical about internet relationships but I'm not ready to take the risk.

This year I will be arriving before midnight. One piece of advice from some shoppers even more finatical than myself would be to arrive early and fill your trolley so you are ready to purchase by midnight. I have also heard that some shops will allow you to layby for Christmas a little earlier than midnight, however I couldn't tell you whether that would apply to your local store; you may need to investigate further.

So now all that is left to do is wait.... and wait ... and wait... You see?? This is really is like Christmas!!

Calm, kind, consistent.

Well, I have everything in place. I have good rules and boundaries and have added to these a few more ideas such as an outline for the children of what we're doing for the day and an outline of what's expected at each destination.
I have trialled them and found success... so, I am now the world's best mother, right? Wrong.
I have been sabotaged: Not by my rules, not by my children, not by my supporters but by ME!
It seems as though everything is in place except my mindset. I am finding it hard to be enthusiastic and I can't work out why. Maybe I'm expecting too much; maybe I'm expecting my 3yr old to just know that there is a new system and I am expecting him to simply fall into line (which is just not happening).
After deciding that I should chart his behaviour so that I can objectively see what is actually happening, it  began to dawn on me that in order to succeed, it may be me who needs to be monitored.
I love my children and my dream was always to be a fun and loving parent for them but maybe my priorites should be: parent first, closely followed by loving and then fun. Oh no!! It's one thing to create rules and discipline but quite another to enforce them. It seems so controlling and manipulative to me and really goes against the grain but if I am honest, things falling down around me, raised voices, anger and conflict in my home has not been fun.
And so we begin again... Charts are in place; I am keeping an eye on myself and will record my progress to ensure I am enforcing my own rules. I have looked at my diet and made some significant changes in an effort to boost my energy and knowing that i am a lover of sleep, I am going to be much more disciplined with my own bedtime routine. To cover all bases, I have even taken a trip to a crystal shop and bought beads for their grounding and nurturing qualities and loose crytals to help with calm and strength. I was advised to wear the loose stones in my bra, close to my heart - (what?? Is lumpy cleavage the new price of a peaceful house? At this stage, it's worth a shot!)
I have a marvellous new mantra 'calm, kind, consistent' which really sums up what type of parent I want to be and what type of parent I want for my children. I will use this mantra to keep my focus and will share this with my children so that they are included in this change and we can all work together.
And so, with the rules in place for both the children and myself, stricter diet and sleep routine for me and the power of crystals all working for me... Welcome peace!

boundaries gone mad

After resounding success with my crazy rules and boundaries plan, I have decided to extend this to all areas where the children are in need of 'guidance'

One example of this is whilst driving the car. OMG I have nearly had 2 accidents in the last week because I have been distracted by whinging (thank you Miss 2). And it is whinging... 'I've taken my shoe off and I want it back on' 'I've dropped my cup and I need it' 'I want my window up, window down, window up, window down' 'take my socks off...'

I am aware that I have some major flaws and unfortunately, one of those is a real lack of patience. I also like to fix problems and avoid conflict which are generally positive attributes but it would not seem so when dealing with a 2 or 3 year old. It seems as though 2 and 3 year olds have lots of problems and when they are not resolved NOW it may only take seconds to lead to conflict. Which leads me to my issues in the car...

If Miss 2 drops her cup (and i might add that this is a particularly demanding Miss 2) she will let me know. I will explain that i am driving and i can't reach it for her. She begins to whinge... and whinge... and whinge. Pressure rising, I tell her again that we are driving and i can't reach it. Whinge.... whinge... whinge.... Blood starting to boil I warn her to stop whinging. whinge... whinge... whinge... At this stage, the fixer in me wants nothing more than to put an end to this and for us all go back to calm and normal behaviour. There have been times when instinctively and without thinking, I have tried to find the cup for her. Driving with 2 children in the car with one hand reaching behind a seat is really not a good idea and has nearly caused more than one accident. The other downside to this is that no one has learnt anything and the next time we're in the car it all starts again.

So... what would my sane self do?? Make a list of rules and boundaries and keep them in the sun visor of my car. Obviously I will not be reading them whilst driving but there is something strangely comforting about knowing that these rules are at arms length for when I may need them. (and reading that last sentence, I'm starting to wonder just how sane my sane self is... but no time for self doubt now - I have rules to make!!)

What is annoying me? whinging. Well mainly whinging but there have been a few other things such as the children arguing and demanding that we take a detour to see a water fountain in the front garden of a house a few streets away. (I actually don't mind the detour, however I did have to introduce myself to the owners in case they thought I was casing the joint... ) So we'll concentrate on whinging and arguing.

What are my obligations? Most of the trips we take are less than 10 minutes so the following rules will be completely feasible.

• outline that whinging can be dangerously distracting to Mummy whilst driving and that we'll work it out when we get to our destination
• where possible, pull over and explain that we are waiting for them to stop whinging/arguing 
• If we cannot pull over, try distraction
• If we cannot pull over or distract, ignore and focus on driving
• NEVER, EVER, EVER encourage her by giving her what she wants before we arrive

Why does it sound so obvious when I write it out? Why does it nearly take an accident before I put my foot down and instill such strict rules? Why can't I just have more patience????

Maybe I could work on my flaws but until then, these are the new car rules... off to the printer I go!!

Rules and boundaries (cont.)

This is what is actually hanging on my fridge (don't judge!)....

It’s a lovely day....

Rules and routine:

·         we will all follow a strict food routine that does not allow for snacking

·         Children are not to enter the kitchen or bathroom unless we are doing a supervised activity or they are using the toilet, at all other times these areas are out of bounds.

·         One set of toys does not come out until the previous set have been put away (am holding off on enforcing this one too heavily until our house is more organised... soon I hope!!)

What’s in it for the children?

each day the children are given a sticker for their hand in the morning to remind them that Mummy loves them and what individual behaviour we are working on ie toilet training. When they use the toilet etc, they are given another sticker and if, at the end of the day, they haven't had an accident, they will get a special surprise (cheap toy, lollipop etc)

Goals:

Toilet training, using manners, playing well with each other, staying out of the out-of-bound areas, eating all meals and staying at the table

Consistent consequences:

behaviour	My obligations	Consequence of non compliance
putting toys away	Reasonable timeframe Help at this age	Those toys are put away for 2 nights
Fighting/dobbing/name calling	1 warning	Children are separated into 2 rooms for 5 minutes-use buzzer
Found in out-of-bound area	Reminder of boundary. 123	Quiet time 1 minute per age Use buzzer
General misbehaviour	Reminder of what’s expected 123	Quiet time 1 minute per age Use buzzer

Ideas on the go:

Quick ideas for on the go rewards:

A simple Hi five, balloons, stickers, chalk, lollipops, coloured feathers reward box with random bits and pieces.

Sticker chart to let them ‘earn’ rewards such as educational toys or special items.

Quick ideas for on the go activities:

Physical challenge, chalk drawings, hopscotch, torches in cupboards, tracing hands and feet, toddler Pictionary (they just guess what you’re drawing) grouping and counting games using any old toys, teddy bears picnic, sorting socks, counting games, listening to CDs with musical instruments,  ‘crocodile’ hunts, i spy,

Quick ideas for on the go snacks:

Tasting plate(anything and everything on hand), fruit plate, ‘left overs’ omelette, frozen veg, smoothies

Rules and boundaries

One thing I've come to realise lately is that most of my exhaustion is coming from the children fighting and the constant cleaning involved in running around after them.
I have decided that now that my children are 2 and 3, it is the right time to put in place some stronger boundaries and in order to stick to these boundaries, I am placing them on my fridge for my constant referal (I am constantly in the fridge these days but that's a blog for another day!)

Most of what i have come up with seems like common sense stuff, to the point that i feel silly even writing it out, but when you're inside the square, what you plan in a rational, calm state of mind and what actually happens when you have 2 children constantly fighting, you haven't had time to eat and they are undoing your folded washing for the 5th time; well, a little prompting from my former, sane self would go a long way!

Now... where to start??

Firstly I got a piece of paper and drew a square in the middle. On the inside of the square I wrote all the behaviours I find acceptable and ones that i want to encourage ie manners, toilet training, good food routine, creative mess etc and on the outside of the square I wrote all the things that are unacceptable ie name calling, whinging, defiance, helping themselves to food, emptying drawers, running away when out and about... the list went on for a while and was, funnily enough, quite a bit bigger than my acceptable list.

I then wrote these out into lists with space next to each behaviour to write the appropriate reward/consequence of each. I was able to come up with some rules and routines from here. It went something like this:

Rules and routine:

• we will all follow a strict food routine that does not allow for snacking
• Children are not to enter the kitchen or bathroom unless we are doing a supervised activity or they are using the toilet, at all other times these areas are out of bounds.
• One set of toys does not come out until the previous set have been put away (am holding off on enforcing this one too heavily until our house is more organised... soon I hope!!)

From the acceptable list, I have written a set of goals for the children including toilet training, using manners, playing well with each other, staying out of the out-of-bound areas which we are now working on one at a time. In order to help them achieve these goals, each day the children are given a sticker for their hand in the morning to remind them that Mummy loves them and what individual behaviour we are working on ie toilet training. When they use the toilet etc, they are given another sticker and if, at the end of the day, they haven't had an accident, they will get a special surprise (cheap toy, lollipop etc) This is an alternative to the sticker chart but I am finding it more useful as the child starts off with a reward and gets to take it with them to keep as a constant reminder of their goal.

I hate to use the word punishment but it is probably the word that best fits.

Not cleaning toys = those toys are put away for 2 nights
Fighting/name calling/dobbing = 1 warning then children are separated into 2 rooms for 5 minutes using a buzzer *note, this is not time out, just time away from each other, not a punishment but a choice they make.
Found in out of bound areas = quiet time (1 minute per age of child)
Blatant defiance = quiet time (1 minute per age of child)

Again, with quiet time I use a buzzer which helps with consistency. Also, it is completely out of my hands, acting as an impartial enforcer of these rules. Quiet time is also within the same room as we are in.

I sat down with my children and more importantly, my husband (we need to be on the same page) and went through the rules with details of the rewards and consequences.

SO, The results?? I am actually sitting here, typing all of this up while my children play together!!!!!

My kitchen is clean and the children are playing with the toys they have been given rather than the plastic bowls in the kitchen or the toothpaste in the bathroom. Dinner is delightful as they are hungry and want to stay with us, not eat a mouthful and run away. I am NOT uptight, trying to work out what i should do when Miss 2 comes to me crying because of name calling. After being separated once today, they have chosen to play well together and are interacting and enjoying each others company!

I think the main reason this is working is that we have clear consistent boundaries with clear consequences. I no longer have to think, is this ok? what should i do? It is all written out for me as an instruction manual that is nearly out of my hands now. Of course this only covers day to day interactions but it is a really good base and should allow for calmer dealings with incidents that occur outside of the home.... will keep you posted!

I DO IT MYSELF!!!

I must admit that I was really looking forward to seeing some independance in my little people so I was thrilled to see my just-turned-two year old show so much ability and enthusiasm with dressing herself. My dream was to lay out their clothes and finish my last minute clean up before we all walked out the door together in half the time it had previously taken for me to dress us all... How wrong I was!!
My beautiful daughter is proud of her efforts (and rightly so) and my son, never to be outdone by his little sister, has really stepped up his efforts. On a nice easy day it is delightful to see them trying on new clothes, creating bizarre little combinations of clothing styles and colours. On a day when we have to move it is a nightmare.
Master 3 is very much like his father, not caught up with the little things in life and happy to keep going even if things aren't perfect, so when he walks out with his his shirt inside out, back to front or upside down, it simply doesn't bother him enough to fuss about changing things. I generally don't mind what outfit he choses but this does bother me; I NEED to fix it. Welcome WWIII.
Little Miss "I do it myself!!" on the other hand, is quite particular in dressing correctly. Her skills, unfortunately, in no way match her enthusiasm. She MUST put on everything herself including her nappy at bed time - I haven't seen a funnier sight than a very determined 2yr old laying out a nappy then laying herself down on it and attempting to do it up. Needless to say, it was not a very successful endeavour... can I help her? no. When she is fighting with her shirt, with the neck around her waist or trying to squeeze her head into an arm hole, screaming in frustration, can I help her? NO.
So now I find ways to help her in ways that she can never know about... Leaving clothing that she can cope with in easy reach for her, talking them both through the dressing process without actually touching them, making sure her shoes really really simple and most of all, starting the process 45 minutes earlier than I ever had to before they became so independant. Oh, and buying pull up nappies!