It has now been 5 weeks of no additives; preservatives, colours or flavours, and the results we have seen are nothing short of a miracle. For the first time our 3yr old boy is meeting the eyes of adults and initiating conversations with them. He is responding to cuddles (not screaming and running away) and seems to have gained a calm confidence that allows us to see what a truly beautiful little man we have. Meeting the eyes of adults may seem like such a simple feat but combine that with his previous lack of control, not wanting to be touched, inability to be at all flexible (we usually had to give him a lot of notice if we were going somewhere and then outline all the social rules and expectations he would be expected to comply with) we never thought he had austism but we were seeing many autisitic tendancies.... many autistic tendancies that have all disappeared in the last 5 weeks.
On a much lesser scale, removing additives from my own diet has made me feel really alive. I had no idea how affected I had been from what I know see as a 'poor' diet. Since changing my own eating habits I have more energy, patience and am experiencing natural weight loss, even though my daily chocolate intake is pretty much the same (Will work on that one next month!)
So why are all of these additives allowed in our food?!? Unfortunately I can't answer that but I CAN debunk some myths about making such a drastic dietary change.
Myth 1: It will be a difficult change.
I have found that although we do need to know which chemicals may cause particular reactions, it is easy to fall into the trap of concentrating solely on what should NOT be eaten. The two tools I live by are an iphone app called 'The chemical maze' and Tanya Winfield's 'Additive free shopping Guide'
The Chemical Maze app gives you access to a comprehensive database of which preservatives may contribute to which symptoms. This allows you to search for all chemicals that may lead to a particular symptom such as aggressive behaviour or learning difficulties, or you can search by number or name of a chemical in order to find out any potential risk. I find this particularly handy when shopping as i always have my phone on me.
The 'Additive Free Shopping Guide' is a booklet of over 300 Australian products that have been thoroughly researched to help you identify which supermarket shelf items do and don't use preservatives, saving hours of tedious scanning through ingredient lists.
Myth 2: It is more expensive.
As Tanya Winfield shows in her shoping guide, it's not necessarily about cutting whole foods, but knowing which brands work for each food. for example, Coles Organic baked beans have no additives but Heinz Baked Beans do. So simply swapping brands can give you the changes you need. I was quite surprised that it is not necessarily the more expensive brands that are chemical free.
Myth 3: It is too time consuming.
I have found that whilst I do need to spend more time in the kitchen, I really do have more time because I'm not chasing my 3 yr old through the house trying to prevent him hurting his sister, climbing bookshelves or randomly emptying the contents of every drawer he can reach. I can now, for the first time, wash my dishes in one go, put away a whole load of washing without interuption and bake with my children at home. I have purchased Tany Winfield's 'Additive Free lunch box ideas' which have very simple recipes that work (and I am NO junior Masterchef!!)
Myth 4: The taste is bland
Oh NO!! The real foods mean that the taste is sensational!! Depending on your previous diet, it may take a few days for your tastebuds to return to 'normal' after being over-stimulated by chemical colours and flavours but once they do, you will begin to appreciate how wonderful the natural flavours really are.
I have put together some ideas for some fantastic additive free meals on a new website called pinterest which are anything but bland. Please feel free to view at:
http://pinterest.com/sammmey1/additive-free-cooking-ideas/
references
The Chemical Maze: http://www.chemicalmaze.com/
Additive Free Pantry: http://additivefreepantry.com/
Tuesday, 11 October 2011
Wednesday, 7 September 2011
wins and loses
I can't believe it's been 2 months since my last post. It all seems like such a blur to me but the way things have been going, that could be a good thing.
Have you ever had a run of bad luck that just didn't end? In the past 2 months my son developed croup and tonsilitis. Then nits. Then I backed my car into another car. Then the car my daughter and I were traveling in was hit by a truck, my dog was hit by a car, my dryer broke, my dishwasher broke, I ran a borrowed car into a fence, conjunctivitis spread from one child to another and back again and my grandma broke her hip. Oh, and we're renovating so no calm home to return to, just more chaos.
I've had runs of bad luck before but i found this one particularly hard, probably because my daughter was in the car that was hit. It took me a good few days to even look at the damage, it just made me feel sick. With the continuous stream of events that followed, it felt as though every time I tried to recover, I was being knocked back down. And as i struggled to cope, i began to watch my 3yr old son, who is so very tuned into my emotions, begin to struggle too.
His behaviour became more aggressive, unrestrained and uncontrollable. After seeking help from parenting specialists, child health workers, chiropractors, doctors to no avail, I began to feel desperate. Mentally I was completely preoccupied with trying to work out how to help him calm himself and physically I was exhausted from fighting, restraining him and doing everything in my power to prevent him from hurting my 2 yr old daughter. When I realised that I had started vomitting every day from the pure stress of this situation combined with the incidents of the past 8 weeks, I realised that, again, something needed to change.
With the help of some wonderful therapy sessions (coffee with 2 amazing, insightful and honest friends) and the never ending support of my family, I again started to try and turn things around. I had been noticing my children both being given more 'treats' than usual and so I borrowed Sue Dengate's "Fed Up" DVD in the hope I would find something I could relate to. Inspired by some of the stories she told,I decided to change our diet to become free of preservative, additives, colours and flavours (I told you I was desperate!!).
Having no idea where to start with this new eating lifestyle and completely overwhelmed by the barage of foods that we could not eat, me and my good friend, Google, sat down to search for help. The first website we came across was www.additivefreepantry.com. This website sells a shopping guide with over 300 preservative and additive free products available in Australian supermarkets. SOLD! How wonderful for someone to be thinking so proactively as to concentrate on what we CAN eat as opposed to the millions of items that we can't.
Knowing that I would also need to be able to recognise labels for myself, I decided to look for information as to which additives to be wary of and what effects each may have on a person. Again, I thought this would be an incredibly difficult task but nearly insantly came across a book called 'The Chemical Maze' which answered all my questions but raised a lot more - like 'how are all these additivies legal??'. Even better for me than the book was the iphone app explained on their website www.chemicalmaze.com which allows me to look up any chemical or additive by name or number and find it's potential effect. It also allows you to search for additives to avoid by potential risks ie aggression, learning difficulties, behavioural problems etc
And so we started... We sat the children down and explained what we were doing and why we felt it was best for them. I loved this part because I was genuinely surprised at how well my son took the news that there would be no more treats. Before every meal was prepared, we carefully examined labels, scrolled through the chemical maze iphone app and discussed our options. Once we realised how many additives were in everything and how many of these additives were linked to behavioural issues, we decided that this might be a path we seriously follow.
Within a few days my sons behaviour had drastically improved. No more aggression and uncontrollable rage. He was calmer, kinder and I could really communicate with him. I had family and friends telling me that he was engaging with them and making eye contact for the first time but the most exciting part for me was hearing his genuine laughter again.
So that cemented our path. My husband, the anti-horder, had a fantastic time going through our pantry and donating all our preservative laden goods to charity. We have all eaten additive free for nearly 2 weeks and I have to say that I am feeling amazing. I have more energy, less fogginess of mind and feel inspired again. Of course this could be a direct result of my children actually enjoying each others company and me actually being able to achieve some very basic tasks that I can now set for myself such as putting away washing; I know that sounds lame but really, not being able to leave the room for 5 minutes shows just how bad things had become.
My spirited 3 yr old will always push the boundaries and inevitably find himself in many a sticky situation and I will always love him for that. Removing additives from his diet has replaced my moody, aggressive, wild boy with an affectionate, loving, sensative, wild boy and his stressed, angry, desperate mother has been replaced by a happy, confident and calm mum.
Have you ever had a run of bad luck that just didn't end? In the past 2 months my son developed croup and tonsilitis. Then nits. Then I backed my car into another car. Then the car my daughter and I were traveling in was hit by a truck, my dog was hit by a car, my dryer broke, my dishwasher broke, I ran a borrowed car into a fence, conjunctivitis spread from one child to another and back again and my grandma broke her hip. Oh, and we're renovating so no calm home to return to, just more chaos.
I've had runs of bad luck before but i found this one particularly hard, probably because my daughter was in the car that was hit. It took me a good few days to even look at the damage, it just made me feel sick. With the continuous stream of events that followed, it felt as though every time I tried to recover, I was being knocked back down. And as i struggled to cope, i began to watch my 3yr old son, who is so very tuned into my emotions, begin to struggle too.
His behaviour became more aggressive, unrestrained and uncontrollable. After seeking help from parenting specialists, child health workers, chiropractors, doctors to no avail, I began to feel desperate. Mentally I was completely preoccupied with trying to work out how to help him calm himself and physically I was exhausted from fighting, restraining him and doing everything in my power to prevent him from hurting my 2 yr old daughter. When I realised that I had started vomitting every day from the pure stress of this situation combined with the incidents of the past 8 weeks, I realised that, again, something needed to change.
With the help of some wonderful therapy sessions (coffee with 2 amazing, insightful and honest friends) and the never ending support of my family, I again started to try and turn things around. I had been noticing my children both being given more 'treats' than usual and so I borrowed Sue Dengate's "Fed Up" DVD in the hope I would find something I could relate to. Inspired by some of the stories she told,I decided to change our diet to become free of preservative, additives, colours and flavours (I told you I was desperate!!).
Having no idea where to start with this new eating lifestyle and completely overwhelmed by the barage of foods that we could not eat, me and my good friend, Google, sat down to search for help. The first website we came across was www.additivefreepantry.com. This website sells a shopping guide with over 300 preservative and additive free products available in Australian supermarkets. SOLD! How wonderful for someone to be thinking so proactively as to concentrate on what we CAN eat as opposed to the millions of items that we can't.
Knowing that I would also need to be able to recognise labels for myself, I decided to look for information as to which additives to be wary of and what effects each may have on a person. Again, I thought this would be an incredibly difficult task but nearly insantly came across a book called 'The Chemical Maze' which answered all my questions but raised a lot more - like 'how are all these additivies legal??'. Even better for me than the book was the iphone app explained on their website www.chemicalmaze.com which allows me to look up any chemical or additive by name or number and find it's potential effect. It also allows you to search for additives to avoid by potential risks ie aggression, learning difficulties, behavioural problems etc
And so we started... We sat the children down and explained what we were doing and why we felt it was best for them. I loved this part because I was genuinely surprised at how well my son took the news that there would be no more treats. Before every meal was prepared, we carefully examined labels, scrolled through the chemical maze iphone app and discussed our options. Once we realised how many additives were in everything and how many of these additives were linked to behavioural issues, we decided that this might be a path we seriously follow.
Within a few days my sons behaviour had drastically improved. No more aggression and uncontrollable rage. He was calmer, kinder and I could really communicate with him. I had family and friends telling me that he was engaging with them and making eye contact for the first time but the most exciting part for me was hearing his genuine laughter again.
So that cemented our path. My husband, the anti-horder, had a fantastic time going through our pantry and donating all our preservative laden goods to charity. We have all eaten additive free for nearly 2 weeks and I have to say that I am feeling amazing. I have more energy, less fogginess of mind and feel inspired again. Of course this could be a direct result of my children actually enjoying each others company and me actually being able to achieve some very basic tasks that I can now set for myself such as putting away washing; I know that sounds lame but really, not being able to leave the room for 5 minutes shows just how bad things had become.
My spirited 3 yr old will always push the boundaries and inevitably find himself in many a sticky situation and I will always love him for that. Removing additives from his diet has replaced my moody, aggressive, wild boy with an affectionate, loving, sensative, wild boy and his stressed, angry, desperate mother has been replaced by a happy, confident and calm mum.
Thursday, 7 July 2011
colds, flus and other reasons that I hate winter
I'm back! After 3 weeks of ear infections, stomach bugs, colds and flus I am finally hopeful that we have extinguished all diseases from this house. It was never fun being sick but now that I am a mother, I have to say that I am borderline germophobic. I hate seeing my family members sick, I hate the fact that one little cold can be passed from one person to another to another, I hate that we pay for preschool while our children lay lying ill on the couch but the biggest hate for me would have to be the dreaded MANFLU!! Honestly, my husband has been genuinely ill, he works really hard and barely ever complains but do I have any sympathy for him? None. Something about him being sick makes me FURIOUS!
I'm fairly sure I haven't always been so mean - I remember a time where I would have recommended a good rest, run him a bath, maybe even made him some soup (well, opened a can - but that's really good for me). So why the change? What has me so bitter that I feel nothing but resentment for my poor, sick husband? Maybe it's because I no longer have the luxury of being sick, maybe it's because I am so busy all the time and when I see another adult in the house who is unable to help me, I take that as them being unwilling to help me, maybe it's because I know when he's better he will leave and I will be left with either a sick child or sick myself - and I guarantee you I will NOT be resting for a day.
Wow, three weeks of illnesses has really taken it't toll. If we get to choose our next life, I'm thinking bear...I could think of nothing better than to hibernate through Winter and come back refreshed and renewed for Spring. Am thinking spring carnivals, more sunlight and butterflies fluttering by - no, wait a minute, now I'm just thinking about the sleep. Ahhh yes, nobody asking anything of me, no deadlines and no bags under my eyes for up to 100 days at a time!! OK, 100 days might be excessive but it's nice to dream.
I'm fairly sure I haven't always been so mean - I remember a time where I would have recommended a good rest, run him a bath, maybe even made him some soup (well, opened a can - but that's really good for me). So why the change? What has me so bitter that I feel nothing but resentment for my poor, sick husband? Maybe it's because I no longer have the luxury of being sick, maybe it's because I am so busy all the time and when I see another adult in the house who is unable to help me, I take that as them being unwilling to help me, maybe it's because I know when he's better he will leave and I will be left with either a sick child or sick myself - and I guarantee you I will NOT be resting for a day.
Wow, three weeks of illnesses has really taken it't toll. If we get to choose our next life, I'm thinking bear...I could think of nothing better than to hibernate through Winter and come back refreshed and renewed for Spring. Am thinking spring carnivals, more sunlight and butterflies fluttering by - no, wait a minute, now I'm just thinking about the sleep. Ahhh yes, nobody asking anything of me, no deadlines and no bags under my eyes for up to 100 days at a time!! OK, 100 days might be excessive but it's nice to dream.
Friday, 17 June 2011
Christmas shopping - what every parent should know
I know, it's only June but for me we're nearing the second most exciting event of the shopping year - the Christmas Lay-by Toy Sales!!!!
As the junk mail comes rolling in and people are starting to see the word Christmas, I'm seeing a lot of head shaking and hearing comments such as 'can you BELIEVE this??', 'It's SO commercialised', 'Blah blah blahbeddy blah....'
I LOVE IT!!! I know it is unbelievably commercialised but I don't care. I am secretly waiting for my junk mail, making lists from each catalogue with the price of each item and plotting the most effective shopping route to purchase my goodies. This may seem frivolous but I find that as I am shopping from a list I tend to spend a lot less than I would do if I were just browsing. Laybying is also really handy because I have 6 months to pay the bill, the warranty does not start until the day of collection and if I think my child has outgrown the product by the time I collect it, I can return it.
Living with a hord-free hubby, I have seen many of the toys that I bought last year leave the house as soon as the children stopped playing with them. Unfortunately it does not take long for a 2 and 3 yr old to stop playing with their toys and although I do rotate these toys, at this age they just grow out of them so quickly. This year I have decided to really limit my shopping list to things like bikes, duplo and some leapster products for their age group. Last year in the spirit of Christmas, I insisted that my husband participate but as he chose a drum kit, I won't make that mistake again.
So how does it work? The bigger chains will generally have extended opening hours where the sale starts on the given day at 00.01hrs; basically the sale starts at midnight. After writing the list of toys to purchase, the serious shopper would benefit from a quick scouting mission prior to the sale to find the location of the items within the store (It can get very busy - best to know exactly where you are heading).
Last year, despite not once getting up at 6.30 and going for the walk i had been promising myself, I was up and out of the house at 4.30am - which I still thought was really restrained, taking into account that the sales had been running for 4 1/2 hrs by then! This year we also have the option of internet laybying which sounds convenient but could it possibly replace the thrill of shopping in-store? I'm not completely skeptical about internet relationships but I'm not ready to take the risk.
This year I will be arriving before midnight. One piece of advice from some shoppers even more finatical than myself would be to arrive early and fill your trolley so you are ready to purchase by midnight. I have also heard that some shops will allow you to layby for Christmas a little earlier than midnight, however I couldn't tell you whether that would apply to your local store; you may need to investigate further.
So now all that is left to do is wait.... and wait ... and wait... You see?? This is really is like Christmas!!
As the junk mail comes rolling in and people are starting to see the word Christmas, I'm seeing a lot of head shaking and hearing comments such as 'can you BELIEVE this??', 'It's SO commercialised', 'Blah blah blahbeddy blah....'
I LOVE IT!!! I know it is unbelievably commercialised but I don't care. I am secretly waiting for my junk mail, making lists from each catalogue with the price of each item and plotting the most effective shopping route to purchase my goodies. This may seem frivolous but I find that as I am shopping from a list I tend to spend a lot less than I would do if I were just browsing. Laybying is also really handy because I have 6 months to pay the bill, the warranty does not start until the day of collection and if I think my child has outgrown the product by the time I collect it, I can return it.
Living with a hord-free hubby, I have seen many of the toys that I bought last year leave the house as soon as the children stopped playing with them. Unfortunately it does not take long for a 2 and 3 yr old to stop playing with their toys and although I do rotate these toys, at this age they just grow out of them so quickly. This year I have decided to really limit my shopping list to things like bikes, duplo and some leapster products for their age group. Last year in the spirit of Christmas, I insisted that my husband participate but as he chose a drum kit, I won't make that mistake again.
So how does it work? The bigger chains will generally have extended opening hours where the sale starts on the given day at 00.01hrs; basically the sale starts at midnight. After writing the list of toys to purchase, the serious shopper would benefit from a quick scouting mission prior to the sale to find the location of the items within the store (It can get very busy - best to know exactly where you are heading).
Last year, despite not once getting up at 6.30 and going for the walk i had been promising myself, I was up and out of the house at 4.30am - which I still thought was really restrained, taking into account that the sales had been running for 4 1/2 hrs by then! This year we also have the option of internet laybying which sounds convenient but could it possibly replace the thrill of shopping in-store? I'm not completely skeptical about internet relationships but I'm not ready to take the risk.
This year I will be arriving before midnight. One piece of advice from some shoppers even more finatical than myself would be to arrive early and fill your trolley so you are ready to purchase by midnight. I have also heard that some shops will allow you to layby for Christmas a little earlier than midnight, however I couldn't tell you whether that would apply to your local store; you may need to investigate further.
So now all that is left to do is wait.... and wait ... and wait... You see?? This is really is like Christmas!!
Wednesday, 15 June 2011
Calm, kind, consistent.
Well, I have everything in place. I have good rules and boundaries and have added to these a few more ideas such as an outline for the children of what we're doing for the day and an outline of what's expected at each destination.
I have trialled them and found success... so, I am now the world's best mother, right? Wrong.
I have been sabotaged: Not by my rules, not by my children, not by my supporters but by ME!
It seems as though everything is in place except my mindset. I am finding it hard to be enthusiastic and I can't work out why. Maybe I'm expecting too much; maybe I'm expecting my 3yr old to just know that there is a new system and I am expecting him to simply fall into line (which is just not happening).
After deciding that I should chart his behaviour so that I can objectively see what is actually happening, it began to dawn on me that in order to succeed, it may be me who needs to be monitored.
I love my children and my dream was always to be a fun and loving parent for them but maybe my priorites should be: parent first, closely followed by loving and then fun. Oh no!! It's one thing to create rules and discipline but quite another to enforce them. It seems so controlling and manipulative to me and really goes against the grain but if I am honest, things falling down around me, raised voices, anger and conflict in my home has not been fun.
And so we begin again... Charts are in place; I am keeping an eye on myself and will record my progress to ensure I am enforcing my own rules. I have looked at my diet and made some significant changes in an effort to boost my energy and knowing that i am a lover of sleep, I am going to be much more disciplined with my own bedtime routine. To cover all bases, I have even taken a trip to a crystal shop and bought beads for their grounding and nurturing qualities and loose crytals to help with calm and strength. I was advised to wear the loose stones in my bra, close to my heart - (what?? Is lumpy cleavage the new price of a peaceful house? At this stage, it's worth a shot!)
I have a marvellous new mantra 'calm, kind, consistent' which really sums up what type of parent I want to be and what type of parent I want for my children. I will use this mantra to keep my focus and will share this with my children so that they are included in this change and we can all work together.
And so, with the rules in place for both the children and myself, stricter diet and sleep routine for me and the power of crystals all working for me... Welcome peace!
I have trialled them and found success... so, I am now the world's best mother, right? Wrong.
I have been sabotaged: Not by my rules, not by my children, not by my supporters but by ME!
It seems as though everything is in place except my mindset. I am finding it hard to be enthusiastic and I can't work out why. Maybe I'm expecting too much; maybe I'm expecting my 3yr old to just know that there is a new system and I am expecting him to simply fall into line (which is just not happening).
After deciding that I should chart his behaviour so that I can objectively see what is actually happening, it began to dawn on me that in order to succeed, it may be me who needs to be monitored.
I love my children and my dream was always to be a fun and loving parent for them but maybe my priorites should be: parent first, closely followed by loving and then fun. Oh no!! It's one thing to create rules and discipline but quite another to enforce them. It seems so controlling and manipulative to me and really goes against the grain but if I am honest, things falling down around me, raised voices, anger and conflict in my home has not been fun.
And so we begin again... Charts are in place; I am keeping an eye on myself and will record my progress to ensure I am enforcing my own rules. I have looked at my diet and made some significant changes in an effort to boost my energy and knowing that i am a lover of sleep, I am going to be much more disciplined with my own bedtime routine. To cover all bases, I have even taken a trip to a crystal shop and bought beads for their grounding and nurturing qualities and loose crytals to help with calm and strength. I was advised to wear the loose stones in my bra, close to my heart - (what?? Is lumpy cleavage the new price of a peaceful house? At this stage, it's worth a shot!)
I have a marvellous new mantra 'calm, kind, consistent' which really sums up what type of parent I want to be and what type of parent I want for my children. I will use this mantra to keep my focus and will share this with my children so that they are included in this change and we can all work together.
And so, with the rules in place for both the children and myself, stricter diet and sleep routine for me and the power of crystals all working for me... Welcome peace!
Thursday, 9 June 2011
boundaries gone mad
After resounding success with my crazy rules and boundaries plan, I have decided to extend this to all areas where the children are in need of 'guidance'
One example of this is whilst driving the car. OMG I have nearly had 2 accidents in the last week because I have been distracted by whinging (thank you Miss 2). And it is whinging... 'I've taken my shoe off and I want it back on' 'I've dropped my cup and I need it' 'I want my window up, window down, window up, window down' 'take my socks off...'
I am aware that I have some major flaws and unfortunately, one of those is a real lack of patience. I also like to fix problems and avoid conflict which are generally positive attributes but it would not seem so when dealing with a 2 or 3 year old. It seems as though 2 and 3 year olds have lots of problems and when they are not resolved NOW it may only take seconds to lead to conflict. Which leads me to my issues in the car...
If Miss 2 drops her cup (and i might add that this is a particularly demanding Miss 2) she will let me know. I will explain that i am driving and i can't reach it for her. She begins to whinge... and whinge... and whinge. Pressure rising, I tell her again that we are driving and i can't reach it. Whinge.... whinge... whinge.... Blood starting to boil I warn her to stop whinging. whinge... whinge... whinge... At this stage, the fixer in me wants nothing more than to put an end to this and for us all go back to calm and normal behaviour. There have been times when instinctively and without thinking, I have tried to find the cup for her. Driving with 2 children in the car with one hand reaching behind a seat is really not a good idea and has nearly caused more than one accident. The other downside to this is that no one has learnt anything and the next time we're in the car it all starts again.
So... what would my sane self do?? Make a list of rules and boundaries and keep them in the sun visor of my car. Obviously I will not be reading them whilst driving but there is something strangely comforting about knowing that these rules are at arms length for when I may need them. (and reading that last sentence, I'm starting to wonder just how sane my sane self is... but no time for self doubt now - I have rules to make!!)
What is annoying me? whinging. Well mainly whinging but there have been a few other things such as the children arguing and demanding that we take a detour to see a water fountain in the front garden of a house a few streets away. (I actually don't mind the detour, however I did have to introduce myself to the owners in case they thought I was casing the joint... ) So we'll concentrate on whinging and arguing.
What are my obligations? Most of the trips we take are less than 10 minutes so the following rules will be completely feasible.
Maybe I could work on my flaws but until then, these are the new car rules... off to the printer I go!!
One example of this is whilst driving the car. OMG I have nearly had 2 accidents in the last week because I have been distracted by whinging (thank you Miss 2). And it is whinging... 'I've taken my shoe off and I want it back on' 'I've dropped my cup and I need it' 'I want my window up, window down, window up, window down' 'take my socks off...'
I am aware that I have some major flaws and unfortunately, one of those is a real lack of patience. I also like to fix problems and avoid conflict which are generally positive attributes but it would not seem so when dealing with a 2 or 3 year old. It seems as though 2 and 3 year olds have lots of problems and when they are not resolved NOW it may only take seconds to lead to conflict. Which leads me to my issues in the car...
If Miss 2 drops her cup (and i might add that this is a particularly demanding Miss 2) she will let me know. I will explain that i am driving and i can't reach it for her. She begins to whinge... and whinge... and whinge. Pressure rising, I tell her again that we are driving and i can't reach it. Whinge.... whinge... whinge.... Blood starting to boil I warn her to stop whinging. whinge... whinge... whinge... At this stage, the fixer in me wants nothing more than to put an end to this and for us all go back to calm and normal behaviour. There have been times when instinctively and without thinking, I have tried to find the cup for her. Driving with 2 children in the car with one hand reaching behind a seat is really not a good idea and has nearly caused more than one accident. The other downside to this is that no one has learnt anything and the next time we're in the car it all starts again.
So... what would my sane self do?? Make a list of rules and boundaries and keep them in the sun visor of my car. Obviously I will not be reading them whilst driving but there is something strangely comforting about knowing that these rules are at arms length for when I may need them. (and reading that last sentence, I'm starting to wonder just how sane my sane self is... but no time for self doubt now - I have rules to make!!)
What is annoying me? whinging. Well mainly whinging but there have been a few other things such as the children arguing and demanding that we take a detour to see a water fountain in the front garden of a house a few streets away. (I actually don't mind the detour, however I did have to introduce myself to the owners in case they thought I was casing the joint... ) So we'll concentrate on whinging and arguing.
What are my obligations? Most of the trips we take are less than 10 minutes so the following rules will be completely feasible.
- outline that whinging can be dangerously distracting to Mummy whilst driving and that we'll work it out when we get to our destination
- where possible, pull over and explain that we are waiting for them to stop whinging/arguing
- If we cannot pull over, try distraction
- If we cannot pull over or distract, ignore and focus on driving
- NEVER, EVER, EVER encourage her by giving her what she wants before we arrive
Maybe I could work on my flaws but until then, these are the new car rules... off to the printer I go!!
Monday, 6 June 2011
Rules and boundaries (cont.)
This is what is actually hanging on my fridge (don't judge!)....
It’s a lovely day....
Rules and routine:
· we will all follow a strict food routine that does not allow for snacking
· Children are not to enter the kitchen or bathroom unless we are doing a supervised activity or they are using the toilet, at all other times these areas are out of bounds.
· One set of toys does not come out until the previous set have been put away (am holding off on enforcing this one too heavily until our house is more organised... soon I hope!!)
What’s in it for the children?
each day the children are given a sticker for their hand in the morning to remind them that Mummy loves them and what individual behaviour we are working on ie toilet training. When they use the toilet etc, they are given another sticker and if, at the end of the day, they haven't had an accident, they will get a special surprise (cheap toy, lollipop etc)
Goals:
Toilet training, using manners, playing well with each other, staying out of the out-of-bound areas, eating all meals and staying at the table
Consistent consequences:
behaviour | My obligations | Consequence of non compliance |
putting toys away | Reasonable timeframe Help at this age | Those toys are put away for 2 nights |
Fighting/dobbing/name calling | 1 warning | Children are separated into 2 rooms for 5 minutes-use buzzer |
Found in out-of-bound area | Reminder of boundary. 123 | Quiet time 1 minute per age Use buzzer |
General misbehaviour | Reminder of what’s expected 123 | Quiet time 1 minute per age Use buzzer |
Ideas on the go:
Quick ideas for on the go rewards:
A simple Hi five, balloons, stickers, chalk, lollipops, coloured feathers reward box with random bits and pieces.
Sticker chart to let them ‘earn’ rewards such as educational toys or special items.
Quick ideas for on the go activities:
Physical challenge, chalk drawings, hopscotch, torches in cupboards, tracing hands and feet, toddler Pictionary (they just guess what you’re drawing) grouping and counting games using any old toys, teddy bears picnic, sorting socks, counting games, listening to CDs with musical instruments, ‘crocodile’ hunts, i spy,
Quick ideas for on the go snacks:
Tasting plate(anything and everything on hand), fruit plate, ‘left overs’ omelette, frozen veg, smoothies
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